#depressed

I can feel myself slipping away

What’s it like to actually be loved unconditionally? What’s it like to care about someone & not come out of it both heartbroken & looking fucking stupid? And what’s it like to not be taken advantage of? I’d give anything to not fucking feel this way anymore. It’s been months and it hasn’t gotten any easier.

Do you ever feel that greedy gluttonous horrible wish of eating fiberglass?

Photo and editing by me🐾

I know I’ve always been depressed, meds or not, it’s just seems to be in my DNA but recently been having a more intense depressive episode. Or it’s not an episode and I’m just getting worse and worse. Literally feel the weight in my limbs. Just want to cry at everything. Can’t decide if I want to see if I can just ride through it or go back onto my meds or try something new. I remember someone saying that depression is grieving. Grieving a life you thought you’d have but don’t. Maybe going to Disney has reminded me that it really isn’t the same anymore. Life really has changed. I feel like I’m just having anxiety over the fact that I’m wanting all these new changes in my life, a new job, a new car, a new flat but I feel that deep down I know that’s not going to make me happy. But I’m then stuck in such limbo or just a pit of my current self that I know I should do something to get myself out of this but I just don’t know what. Or I’m being very cynical. Maybe it might make me feel better even temporarily, which might be enough of a boost to make me realise that it’s not as bad as it seems? I don’t know why but I just keep thinking that finding someone to love and love me back would make me better but I just can’t find the right person or they just don’t exist or I’m putting too much expectation on it all. Plus I don’t have a social life at all so… I’m just feeling so scared lately.

I was repressed throughout my entire life. I was never happy growing up. My parents controlled and restricted me throughout my entire life. They turned me into a people-pleaser. Because of that, I often find myself trying to prove my worth to everyone. I want everyone to like me, as if my value depends on other people’s approval. I am always trying to please others so that they will like me and so I can prove that I am worthy of love. I am a broken soul in a world without kindness. Every day, I try to survive while also trying to reclaim the years I lost. I want to heal, to find myself again, and to get my life back.

Photo and editing by me 🐾

When your parents hate everything more than they ol love their own children I’d rather let the feeling subside once again vs getting a small dose of what a parent “apparently” can provide from a stranger for their child and wonder what life could have been life for maybe a moment. This sounds super edgy like I’m mocking being emo but I’m being serious. Maybe I’m not ready nor meant to accept what I could have had from my actual parents from strangers who sincerely mean their “parent” hugs. It always leaves me feeling empty later and wondering “why wasn’t I enough for at least this.” It’s not worth mourning over and over again. I don’t need a mom hug often but when I do I’m that one white cat meme with the funny hands. (Above). I don’t get super duper sad often about this so no need to worry. Two deep sad temper tantrums a year about it is normally all I need. I’ve accepted that my parents had their own traumas growing up but unfortunately chose to hate themselves and this world more than they could ever love their own children. So they are simply left to be buried in their own self pity, blinded by their own self ignorance.

feeling pink and depressed

feeling very sad and lonely this week, nothing matters and I am unimportant to people

All I want and need right now is a long hug and someone to adore me out of my shitty mood.

I feel nothing, but I’ll get over it

Love this woman. This is for my low mood/unmotivated darlin’s

Do You Feel Hopeless? At some point in your life the future might have seemed full of possibilities. You had dreams and they seemed reachable. But as time ran on life got in the way. You had troubles. Things didn’t pan out. It became obvious that your vision of the future was not going to happen. Perhaps you can add to this your concerns about the world in general. The promise of unending human progress seems fenced… Do You Feel Hopeless?

VENT I think I’m depressed. I always feel miserable when I’m at work and see people socialising while I’m left out. I’m experiencing social exclusion. No matter if I try to be friendly it’s just unnoticed. So I’ve given up on being social with people. It’s too draining. I notice this issue has kept me awake. I hope I won’t get bad insomnia. Has anyone experienced that before?

I want to do some self care like paint my nails or wash my hair but I just can’t seem to do it! I’ve been meaning to take a shower for three days now. I feel disgusting and shameful yet I can’t seem to get out of bed (◞‸◟) I’m so close to being able to but I just need that extra push