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what i truly am I wish I could stop feeling guilty. Why does everything I am seem to be a joke? Do i seem like a joke to you, trying to change my life or feel more normal. Or maybe it’s when I want to be treated the same as everyone else. Although deep down I know I won’t succeed, not even if I try, not even if it seems like I will. Maybe my life really is a joke and I just don’t see it. Sorry for seeming pathetic; I always try not to be, even though I don’t want to.
now im wondering if my drifter should be the one with 100% vitiligo and vice versa?? bc the operator’s been technically in cryo/suspended animation for forever and thus it might not’ve been progressing, while the drifter was more in a time loop but still aging?? idk man 8/ it’s mostly that my operator’s had this design for forever so it would feel weird to change, but it also makes less sense..
im feeling joyous for no reason, happy pride month to everyone! happy pride months. happy pride year. happy pride YEARS!!! shoutout to: trans people, agender people, intersex people, xenogendered people, nonbinary people, people on the aro ace spectrum, bisexuals, lesbians, gays, bigender people, queer people who are therians, queer people who are furries,autistic queer people, queer people of color, disabled queer people, queer people who are systems, mentally ill or mentally disabled queer people, queer kids/teens, anyone who is apart of this beautifully diverse community – this is probably a stupid post but idont care . I know no one will see this I jst felt the need to. sorry. so sorry. if I said anything offensive pls tell me
idk im in my feelings and need a space to ramble had a checkup with my obgyn today since its been a year and half since having ray. which also means we are cleared to start trying again now that my csection wound is considered fully healed. its not the right time for us to do that but it did get me thinking of when we so welcome our next baby how nervous I am for that fourth trimester. i had such bad postpartum anxiety and depression. i had huge amounts of support but I still felt so lost. it makes me anxious to even think about it all. the crying over nothing, the massive wave of anxiety that started at sundown and didnt waver until sun up. i couldn’t let myself sleep at night when she would be sound asleep for fear of sids. more than anything, i was beside myself that my milk never came in. the lactation consultant said i possibly had insufficient amounts of glandular tissue to produce milk. i mourned that part of my motherhood journey. I still do. and it makes me even more sad to think about rehashing it all again. because ill have to try again. i cant not. if by some miracle I can make enough to supplement with formula ill be over the moon. motherhood is so daunting and full of contradiction. im ecstatic and terrified at the thought of bringing another baby into the family. i wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what I should prepare myself for.
i like the way you thrill me [teal roots gerard way x alt fem! reader] SUMMARY : while working a night shift at the hot topic in my local mall, the man across the way working at a spencer’s catches my eye. WARNINGS : mentions of some kinda controversial kinks (vom play, blood, piss kinks and power/age play), smut, making out, unprotected sex, teeny tiny age gap (3 years) anal fingering (m! receiving), switch reader and gerard, p in v, drunk sex, mentions of porn and sex toys, smoking, sharing a drink , use of y/n, gerard is kind of a scammer, gerard is kinda cocky in like one part, first person, slight time jump (like an hour), underaged drinking, nothing in the story ties the reader down to one specific body type and/or race, and set in 2005 AN: OMG TY FOR THIS REQUEST ITS SO GOOD AND I LOVED RESEARCHING AND WRITING THIS PLS SEND MOREEE OF 2000s GEE🥹 i looked down at my watch and shook my head, i hate this fucking job. the only reason i was truly working here was to fund my college, and that’s also the only reason i took a gap year. although time out of school has been fun, my 19th birthday was just days ago and i kinda feel like a loser working some shitty retail job and i’m not even in school yet. albeit school would come for me sooner than later, i was still irritated knowing i’d still have to wait. the last few customers were a few teenage girls who came in to make fun of the jewelry we had in stock. the rule was i couldn’t close up until the last customers left the store, no matter how late they stayed… the girls threw around some dark blue socks and made fun of the skull designs on them. “who wears shit like this? a fuckin’ emo or something.” good thing they couldn’t see what was inside of my shoes… (the same goddamn socks.) finally the group of four girls walked up to the counter and a girl who seemed to be the leader of them opened her palm within it lied only one thing; a sparkly purple nail polish in a skull shaped bottle. after almost thirty minutes of goofing off and terrorizing the shop that’s all they decided to get? whatever i guess. “okay, that’ll be 3.50. cash or card ma'am?” she scoffed and handed me a 5 dollar bill. “obviously i’ll be paying in cash” she said. i rested the bottle in a small thin bag that said hot topic. i laid the bag onto the counter and she snatched it. “keep the change.” she said as she turned up her nose and led her posse out of the shop and eventually the mall. i heard their laughter and murmuring dissolve as they left. i let out a sigh of relief. finally i was all alone. now all I had to do was clean up and put everything back where it originally was, that shouldn’t take too long. besides I had a pretty good playlist i burned a few weeks ago just begging to be played. i pulled a dusty cd player connected to a speaker from under the counter and took my cd case out of my pocket. i put the cd into place and pressed play watching as the cd began to spin slowly. the first song to play was angels by within temptation, the best song ever in my opinion. i turned up the volume to the max before i picked up a broom that laid underneath the counter as well. i swept the dust and dander from off of the floor and bobbed my head to the music. the song reverberated over the counter as i swept. i was truly convinced that i was all alone in my wing of the mall, the zumiez next to hot topic was empty as was the wet seal next to the spencer’s, and the spencer’s looked closed. all the lights were off but the metal gate hadn’t been closed. maybe someone just forgot to close it. well when i finish up over here i’ll close it up for ‘em. once i’d completed my sweeping the song came to a close and lucky you by deftones played next. i bent over to grab a dust pan and sweep the contents of the pile into it. when all of a sudden i felt like i heard a whisper. i shrugged it off, it’s probably just something in the song i’d never noticed until now. i wiggled my whole body on beat to the song as i lifted up. i walked toward the back of the shop and threw the dust into the trash can. when i turned no one was there, just as i’d thought. then came the most irritating part, i had to put all the misplaced items back where they belonged. i bent over to pick up some invader zim earrings and place them onto a hook next to dozens of other pairs. that’s when i heard it again. a faint whisper saying something unintelligible over the loud thumping music. but i’d already debunked my original theory, no one’s there with me. but there was a faint smell of a musky cologne, a man’s sweat, vodka and cigarettes lingering in the air. it was nothing too, right? probably some super strong smelling guy from earlier that i missed. i continued trying to convince myself i’m all alone, it’s just in my head and i’m only nervous because it’s way later than i would normally be here. i evenly spread out each pair and straightened them on the hooks making sure no packaging has been broken or anything. the song inevitably closed, so i sighed. the silence would always spook me, especially late at night like this. but then the next song played, my immortal by evanescence. i stood up and backed up to look at the display a little better, when i bumped into something heavy and warm. i whipped around and screamed at the sight, a man in a trench coat over top an all black outfit, pink sunglasses resting on top of his head with ghastly pale skin and teal roots stood their straight faced. “holy shit who are you.” i said nervously, praying he wasn’t someone dangerous. “gerard.” he said with a light smirk as he raised his voice over the music. i was stunned, i knew it, someone was here with me and i wasn’t crazy. “i- uh normally work morning shifts at the spencer’s but those paid shit so i started working nights so I could close n’ stuff.” he added with a huff, still speaking in a loud tone. i nodded at his response, still in shock. “cool gerard, but why the fuck are you creeping around whispering to me?” i asked angrily, yelling at him. he chuckled before making a matter-of-factly statement. “i was comin’ over to say hey but your music’s loud as shit. it’s good though.” he nodded and projected his voice so i could hear him. his voice had the rasp of a smoker, hence the cigarette smell. i rolled my eyes before walking over to the cd player, he trailed behind. once I reached it i paused my music and sighed. “well, uh i’m y/n” i said with a nonchalant shrug. he smiled at me, i smiled back. “nice to meet you” he said with an awkward nod. a thick silence filled between us as the lights inside the hot topic flickered. the only thing that could be heard was the tapping of his foot against the black concrete ground and my breathing. “you seem like you’re pretty much done here. wanna drink with me?” he asked while scratching the back of his head and squinting. “yea sure.” i shrugged. i shut off the lights inside the store and closed the metal gate before locking it and making sure it was closed tight. we crossed over to the spencer’s, it was a tight squeeze throughout the entire store, multiple twists and turns to get to the register before we both reached it. he sighed as we got behind the counter before bending down to grab the bottle and a packet of kool-aid. he screwed the lid off and he poured the red powder into the ¾ths drunken bottle of skyy vodka before he shook it up, his finger plugging the hole to make sure none spilled. once he finished shaking he licked the vodka soaked finger quite sensually. I took a swig and swallowed, instantly i coughed and gagged. this shit was disgusting. “this is so bad” i said as i dry heaved from the burn. “you’re bein’ a big baby, its not that bad” he took a big sip and sighed before having another. after the sips he coughed and cleared his throat. “shit that’s strong.” he spat. i rolled my eyes knowing i proved my point. he took one last swig from the bottle finishing it off before placing it on the counter. he’d already gotten comfortable with me and stripped himself of his coat and glasses, placing them on the floor. he sighed before continuing his previous thought “so seriously you mean to tell me you have never read a single issue of fangoria? you’re a fake emo.” he joked at me. i scoffed at his remark. “sorry i’m not a freak who gets off to blood and shit. i just like to wear black.” i said drunkenly, he laughed. “let’s not bring my kinks into this dude, c'mon.” he said offendedly. i laughed at his remark thinking he was only joking, but as i looked back to him his face was straight and nervous. my laughter died down. i felt bad but that was kinda weird to be honest, who the fuck openly admits they have a blood kink, gross. “uh, d-don’t worry i’m sure they’re not all that gross, right?” i questioned, he laughed uneasily and sighed. “kinda depends on who you’re talkin’ to.” he added. i shifted my weight to the right side of my body as i crossed my arms. “c'mon jus’ tell me dude, i’ll be understanding i promise.” i said with a gauchely smirk. “well, i kinda like some weird shit, like vomit and piss. i’ve always wanted to try fingering too but uh.. yea i just never did that. but the only one i’ve ever really acted out was some age play typa stuff.” he huffed and looked around nervously while he spoke. i was stunned. what the fuck was i supposed to say to some fucked up shit like that. “well, it’s mainly because i matured kinda quick, i was left alone a lot and the sex shop near my house didn’t card. i got into some pretty freaky stuff as a kid.” he said trying to make me not so iffy towards him. “oh that’s crazy.” he looked down at his feet tapping them against the ground before he continued once again. “these days I resell all the weird pornos i bought and stole back then for like triple the value 'cos a lot of 'em got banned.” he tried brushing off everything else he’d just said like it was nothing. i nodded in response. “at least you’re makin’ money dude.” i joke trying to lighten the now intense mood. “well which of your personal big three is the one you wanna try the most, out of the vomit, piss and… fingering?” i added. he laughed anxiously before replying. “uh fingering. it’s tame and i’ve always been too nervous to do it myself y'know.” he spoke intently. yet again, a screaming silence filled the air between us and i sighed trying my hardest to break the awkwardness that was bound to break through, but he said nothing. i looked around, and then at my watch, and at him. his gaze was fixated on his black scribbled converse. time kept passing and it’d been close to five minutes without a single word spoken. the silence wasn’t comfortable. it sat between us like something neither of us wanted to touch. the shop felt too quiet. every deep breath or sniffle seemed louder than it should have been. the almost silent ticking of my watch, the hum of the light above our heads and my own breathing. as he stood across from me he finally looked up and stared at me with firm concentration. i looked away from embarrassment, the longer it went on, the worse it got. my stomach twisted. there were a hundred things that either of us could’ve said, yet neither of us had the guts to say them. then he took a step closer. the gap between us filling with his warm presence. i looked up at him, staring into his droopy hazel eyes. he took one more big step, we were almost touching. he then looked up and down my face as he smiled. i didn’t notice how gorgeous his face was, how his angry eyebrows looked when they relaxed or how his nose was perfectly sloped, I didn’t even notice how the right side of his mouth stayed more stagnant than the other as he smiled. he was pretty. for a second, nothing happened. the distance disappeared and he sighed a heavy sigh. then his lips met mine. they were chapped and harsh upon my moisturized lips, yet his kiss was still soft and gentle. the deep tension that had been building finally cracked. i felt him exhale a nervous laugh against my mouth. i gently pressed my lips against his harder and fed into the passion of the kiss. i felt his mouth open ever so slightly, letting in my wandering tongue. his tongue was thick and firm in my mouth, flicking around and massaging the areas around my tongue and under it. i explored his mouth with mine tapping and spinning against his dancing tongue. his hands wandered from his sides to the bottom of my ass, squeezing firmly as he pulled away from the kiss to bite my bottom lip, his eyes still closed as mine shot open. after a second of him chewing at my lip i relaxed and fizzled into the sensation therefore closing my eyes again. i ran my soft hands up his heavy stature. stroking his sides as he tongued my inner cheek. i moaned out quietly as he squeezed tighter, and he groaned lightly as my hands came to his chest. suddenly he broke the kiss and smiled. his lips were shiny with our mixed saliva and mine were plump and pinkening from his bites. he moved my hands from his chest to his ass, breaking no eye contact. his tired eyes were so gorgeous as they were smudged with a black eyeliner and a very faint white glitter eyeshadow rubbed over his lid. my hands lightly kneaded at the soft skin that resided on his round ass. he let out a groan, still his eye contact didn’t falter. his mouth fell open as i felt him from the back. i pressed my lips up against his again before our mouths began to intertwine yet again. as i explored his ass with different pressures his kisses became weaker and weaker. “fuck” he whispered as our lips were still conjoined. my movements became more precise as i found the areas that made him the most feeble. i slid my hands down the back of his pants, once again he broke the kiss and gasped. “what are you doing?” he asked frantically, his gaze dashed from either of my eyes as his chest heaved up and down. “trust me” i add, out of breath and confident. “o-okay” he sputtered out as my hands made their way to the band of his black tommy hilfiger boxers. he sighed as he felt my fingers roam his bare ass sluggishly, he pressed his forehead against mine and swallowed a thick lump that rested in his throat. “i trust you y/n, i trust you.” he said, his voice was shaky and impatient. i pulled my hand out of his pants to lick my middle finger, once it was appropriately lubricated i slipped my finger back into his pants. i rubbed my wet finger along his tight hole. he whimpered at the sensation my finger had, simply teasing the outside. his eyes fluttered softly before closing and his hands went from my ass up to rest on my shoulders, his arms loosely crossed around my neck as his knees grew weak. while i rubbed the exterior of his tight hole I asked “gerard, have you ever thought about putting, maybe a dildo up here?” i said calmly. his voice is soft and insecure as he replies “i’ve thought about it, but i’m too scared.” i smiled in response. “maybe next time, huh?” he giggled in a jittery fashion before going back to focusing on my fingers teasing him. his breath hitched as he felt me slowly enter the tip of my finger. “oh fuck.” he groaned. my fingertip was fully encapsulated in the warmth and eagerness of his hole. “how’s that feel?” i teasingly asked. he began to chuckle before it was cut off by a moan. i took that as a sign to continue. his hole throbbed as i pushed the entirety of my middle finger inside of him. i watched as the corners of his eyes dripped tears. he clenched his jaw before he let out a high pitched whimper. i wiggled my finger around in search of his prostate, without any words he let me know that i’d found it. his knees buckled inward slightly and he let out a symphony of moans as i massaged his hypersensitive area. he opened his eyes to meet mine, they were glossy and red as he moaned for me. “don’t stop” he said in a tone barely audible. i sped up the movement of my fingers ever so slightly and he almost fell back. “holy fuck” he spit out as his firm stance wobbled. his legs were turning into jello as i felt him from the inside. “honestly y/n, i’m gonna cum inside my pants. you gotta s-stop.” he managed to get out as i massaged slower and slower. our foreheads disjointed from one another, his was sweaty and his cheeks were flushed red as i pulled my finger out from inside of him. he sighed a sigh of relief as my fingers came completely out of him. i pulled my finger up close to our faces and inspected it, my finger had been covered in sticky wetness and we stared at it together. “taste it baby.” i said, keeping my tone tantalizing and ever so sensual. he complied, his lips wrapped around my finger and he worked his tongue over the entirety of it. he sucked harshly making sure to get all of his uncongealed creams. he swallowed his juices mixed with my spit and he smiled. i looked down at the area between the two of us to see his fully erect cock rub against me. he looked at it too and raised his eyebrows. “you wanna fuck?” he asked, completely unafraid. i smiled and shook my head in agreement. “get up on the counter.” his voice was demanding and firm. i felt myself growing wetter as i sat next to the empty glass bottle. his arms wrapped around my neck yet again and he sighed before unbuckling his belt and unzipping his black denim jeans. he pulled out his leaky, throbbing cock before barking his instructions at me. “c'mon lemme see your pussy baby.” i obviously listened and pulled my black yoga pants to the floor and my lacy pink thong quickly afterward. he groaned in pleasure at the sight. his angry red cock was begging for friction of some kind, so he wasted little to no time. he shoved himself inside of me with little to no warning. his thrusts instantly started, rough and quick. i gasped at the sudden rush of pleasure his thick and long dick gave me. my hands gripped and scratched at his clothed back as he thrust into me making the bottle next to me shake. my legs went limp from the sheer amount of pressure his cock placed upon my g-spot. “oh my god, deeper gerard.” i screamed out, my body begging to feel every single inch this man had to give. his thrusts were concise and rhythmic. his dick reached areas i didn’t even know i had. and his speed was unlike any other man i’d felt in my lifetime. i tried my hardest to contain my screams of pleasure but they clawed their way out of my throat from the pits of my stomach forcing me to whimper and moan in ecstasy. his forearms flexed with every thrust as they rested on my shoulders. i watched the veins pop and abate quickly as he pumped himself deeper inside my ever so destitute hole. the only sounds that could be heard throughout the mall at this hour was normally the hum of the lights and the wind whipping against the building. but tonight those sounds were drowned out by skin slapping, gerard’s heavy breaths and groans, wet squelches inside of me and my pornographic moans. the sounds all mixed together in a lustful fashion, echoing through the east wing of the mall. “shit y/n, your pussy’s too good.” he said out of breath trying to contain himself from going completely insane. his deep and raspy groans bedraggled as he got closer and closer to his orgasm. i quietly giggled when i looked at his face, it was sweaty and red. his black and teal hair stuck to his forehead and the peaks of his cheeks. my back arched as if my body had been controlled by an outside source. my moans turned into high pitched cries for mercy as gerard hammered himself as deep as possible inside of me. “oh fuck- i-i can’t stop!” i begged as he made my face scrunch. “take it baby, take it.” he whispered in a rough tone. my breathing became more uneven as his thrusts became quicker and less like they were following a certain pattern. “i’m gonna cum gerard.” i squealed while gasping for air. he smiled menacingly and he tightened his arms around my neck pulling me closer to him. “do that shit baby, cum on my cock.” he encouraged. gerard clenched his teeth as he felt my pussy squeeze him hard, my eyes rolled back and i felt like i couldn’t breathe from the euphoria i felt. my orgasm came in crashing waves as my fluids dripped from inside of me onto the counter. gerard followed seconds after, his moans sounded that of a girl. i could feel his cock throbbing angrily inside of me as he expelled his cum deep inside of me. his moans got higher as he fucked the both of us through our intense orgasms. he took a second before pulling out. the two of us watched as his cock softened. then he began situating his pants and belt back to their original positions. “y'good?” he asked, slightly out of breath and tired. i nodded. he picked up my pants and panties off of the floor before helping me put them back on. i hopped off the counter and stretched, my watch caught my eye and i instantly remembered. “holy shit it’s 12am, the fuckin’ mall closed two hours ago.” I said in a state of panic. gerard scurried to find some cleaning solutions to clean our mutual mess off the counter and hide his empty bottle. i grabbed my things and hurried for the door, not before giving gerard a goodbye kiss of course. “i’ll see you tomorrow night, and maybe we’ll meet up or somethin’ on break” he said as he watched me walk out. i nodded and waved him goodbye he watched me walk away before continuing to clean. the only thing on his mind was how excited he was for tomorrow to come and the song 'isn’t she lovely’ by stevie wonder.
P R O T E C T PT.6 summary : usually the dead don’t protect humans, or so we thought. warnings : zombie!reader, angst, established relationship, intentional age!gap though not mentioned, no use of y/n, unedited., mentions of physical violence, desperate!reader, yearning!reader, innocent kissing, eventual smut as the fic goes on. setting : alexandria (post-whisperers) word count : 2.6k+ notes : i am so so so sorry for the delay in posting this. i’ve been working 14 hour shifts for 3 weeks 4 days at a time and i am wiped. updates are going to be very slow and i do apologize from the bottom of my heart to all of the protect fans out there. credits : @tophollands inspired me to do this as they have a zombie!leon fic and we’ve established this theme would work well in twd. they were inspired by @quackysprouts zombie!leon art as well. divider credit: @solitary-serendipity ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ʀᴇꜱᴘᴏɴꜱɪʙʟᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴅɪᴀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏɴꜱᴜᴍᴇ the ride back to alexandria was silent— painfully so. the tension was able to be sliced in two with a knife as the only sound was the steady breathing of everyone within the vehicle, and the occasional grunt from you as you grew weary of everyone except daryl. aaron sat diagonally across from you in the passenger seat with dried blood beneath his nose and a strip of cloth pressed against his face, looking like he was in pain and pissed off. you really did feel bad, but what were you meant to do? allow them to harm you and prevent you from seeing daryl again? all the while carol sat beside him with her arms outstretched towards the steering wheel as her knuckles turned white with the force or her grip. you could tell by the look on her face that she was still thinking about how you looked or how you acted towards her. but despite everything, what did she expect too? she held the gun to you, making you sad and angry all at once. and worst of all— neither of them dared to look at you for long. it was as though you were a complete stranger, something gross or something so disturbing that it made them sick to their stomachs. at this point you would rather them look at you with fear or uncertainty because what you believed they thought was something unknown to you, making you feel even more uneasy. you lowered your head at the thoughts that were going through your mind and rested your hands limply in your lap. daryl sat beside you despite the protests he’d received from both carol and aaron in their moments of uncertainty, but he thought it was best that he be the one to be beside you. through your haze you couldn’t help but be thankful for the hunter, without him here you didn’t know what you’d do. maybe you were hoping that he’d at least hold your cold hand for a small while or pull you close for a reassuring hug. anything in an attempt to soothe you— but even though he was beside you now you could tell he carried a tension on his shoulders. you knew that something had changed in him as tears began forming in your milky eyes. the possibility of him being angry with you made you feel like you messed up. the moment alexandria’s gates opened, you could hear him sigh loudly, people already gathering to see who was entering. when they seen the state of carol and aaron the whispers started, people tried figuring out what happened. but everything got worse the minute you and daryl were seen. word spread quickly, more people gathered around the vehicle and stared— whispering about you and how you looked. just like that, everyone knew that a walker had entered the community. a walker that apparently knew daryl and everyone else here, a walker that had been hidden beneath their noses for god knows how long in their minds. you couldn’t understand, or maybe you didn’t want to understand why they wouldn’t just accept you how you were. you were still in there, it’s not like you were going around killing people. but the uproar caused a meeting and by the time the group reached the council building, several dozen residents had gathered nearby. you could smell their fear, could hear their hearts racing, and could see the way they backed away whenever your gaze landed on them. it made you whimper and cling to daryl like a lifeline— and he hated every second of it. “move.” his voice came out rough and protective, as if his words could shield you from the wondering eyes of everyone you called family once upon a time— but nonetheless people parted immediately, nobody argued, and nobody challenged him. however, the looks remained. those damn looks. the same ones he’d seen aimed at prisoners, murderers, outsiders, even monsters. you noticed them too, evident in the way your shoulders curled inward slightly and how your eyes lowered. you were ashamed, embarrassed, and worst of all— emotionally ruined. you knew that people didn’t trust you the way daryl so willingly did. the way michonne used to. daryl’s stomach twisted harshly as he watched your face drop even more, cowering back into him as your hands trembled. he wished he could do something, feeling as hopeless as ever and to make matters worse when the doors opened; he finally laid eyes upon michonne— who was already inside the building with her arms crossed and an unimpressed look on her solemn face. she had sat in the infirmary while you had escaped, after someone random found her while doing their rounds with bruises blooming around her throat. a doctor examined her immediately, lucky that it was nothing life threatening. she guessed that’s what she got for cornering someone as wild as you, not putting full blame on you for the situation whatsoever. but now she was anticipating. waiting for your arrival with a heavy heart and a throb deep within her brain, injuries catching up to her as the adrenaline wore off some time ago. the second daryl walked through the door with you behind him, her eyes locked onto yours and everyone froze. the memory of what happened between the two of you hung heavily in the room and for several seconds nobody spoke. it was just a stare down as you and michonne locked eyes, neither of you able to move. daryl could feel the tension from within your shoulders and arms, feeling as your finger curled instinctively around his bicep in order to gain stability. he put two together very quickly and everything slowly made sense. you had been locked away, the chances of you escaping were low unless you schemed your way out. daryl was a smart man, you knew that deep down. even when his eyes drifted to you, in an instant your pale face lit up red as you realized you’d been caught. then michonne surprised everyone, including you. “she didn’t try to kill me if that’s what you all are wondering.” her voice was hoarse, rough from being crushed by your own two hands. a pang of guilt rushed over you as an onslaught of fresh tears formed. her words earned a deep frown from carol as she crossed her arms over her chest in protest, “michonne— she could’ve.” “if she wanted me dead, i’d be dead.” michonne defended with a firm look across her face, displaying the fact that her words were true. her hand drifted unconsciously toward the bruises around her neck as a heavy and uncomfortable silence followed. because nobody wanted to admit she was right. you stared at the floor, unable to meet her eyes. the guilt sat heavy in your chest as you remembered it. you remembered hurting her, remembered the fear, remembered the anger, remembered her body going limp beneath your hands. the memory made something inside you twist painfully— a low whine escaping your throat as the tears spilled. you wanted nothing but to rush to her and somehow make it known that you were sorry, that you had no other choice but to go and make sure that your lover and stability were safe. everyone heard you, heads snapping in your direction once again. especially daryl, his gaze immediately softened. “hey.” his voice was weary, but nonetheless comforting. your eyes lifted as you cried, pale hands reaching for daryl’s face as your body shook— but you never made eye contact with him. you were too ashamed, too scared. you didn’t want to see the disappointment in his face at what you had done. “look at me.” he raised his hand to push your chin up and slowly, you listened to his command. you couldn’t help but listen like a trained puppy. he then moved his hands up to press yours gently to his cheeks, as if reassuring you that it was okay for you to touch him. even if your hands caused damage that you didn’t think you’d work your way out of. “it’s alright.” it wasn’t, you both knew it wasn’t but he said it anyway. “i say we have a meeting to discuss this all now, guess we couldn’t hide her forever.” michonne said sadly, offering you a smile despite what you did to her. she couldn’t possibly hold it against you forever, though it’s only been a few short hours since. daryl’s stomach twisted as nausea rose to the surface, worried of what everyone would think of you. he didn’t want them to jump to killing you or expecting the worst out of you. you hadn’t killed any human and he was certain that you wouldn't— that you couldn’t even bring yourself to try unless they were harming him. if only they could see through his eyes, see that you had somehow came back by whatever miracle to protect. but nonetheless the council meeting lasted almost three hours and you weren’t allowed to partake. instead, you sat in your cell while the people deciding your future argued on the other side of alexandria— causing you to go stir crazy as you pace quickly back and forth like you had officially gone mad. every passing minute felt like torture and the old cell felt different now— smaller, colder, and lonelier. you craved daryl’s presence, craved for him to come and soothe you as you paced and paced and paced until your legs began to hurt. the tears never stopped either, never once slowed down. even as he reassured you that he’d be back, that he’d spend the night here with you if it made you feel better. he couldn’t deny you that, couldn’t stand seeing you like this when he knew deep down that it was his fault. little did you know that he felt just as guilty as you did and he’d be damned if he ever left you alone again after this. but somehow in the midst of your thoughts and pacing you didn’t notice that the door to the make-shift jail had opened until you could smell daryl back at your door— keys jingling as he unlocked your cell and entered. your head snapped up immediately and in an instant you were rushing as fast as you could to him. however, when you took in his somber expression you paused cautiously. you were smart enough to know that it didn’t mean anything good. he looked exhausted, completely and utterly exhausted. for a moment neither of you moved until suddenly he closed the cell door behind him, causing you to rush forward again. you immediately reached for him, hands cupping his face, moving down to grip his jacket, then his shirt and arms, as if checking —searching— making sure he was okay and safe, and making sure that he was really with you now because you could’ve sworn you were going crazy for a moment. daryl let you continue your ministrations over him. he let you fuss over him until you crouched down in front of him and your hands finally found his injured leg. your expression immediately darkened, and there it was. the source of your panic. the reason you’d escaped and the reason everything had gone wrong. you dropped to your knees from your crouched position and gently touched the bandaged injury— a soft distressed sound escaped your throat as daryl sighed. “yeah.” his fingers slid through your hair, petting your head gently. “i know.” you looked up at him wide-eyed and guilty, miserable even and suddenly he understood what the look was for. you weren’t upset because you’d been caught, you weren’t upset because people were angry. you were upset because you thought you’d failed to protect him, failed to stop him from getting hurt. failed to do the one thing your broken mind had convinced itself was most important. “this wasn’t your fault.” it was the truth, he had done this to himself but nonetheless his chest tightened with so much emotion that he didn’t know if he could contain himself. he had you kneeling before him with that kicked puppy expression and tears falling from your begging eyes. “got that?” his hand moved from your hair until it settled against the side of your face. you didn’t seem convinced causing the hunter to sigh once again and then his expression became serious. “but what happened with michonne?” your eyes dropped immediately and as if on queue there it was. the consequence to your actions and the thing that couldn’t simply be ignored. “can’t do that again.” though his voice wasn’t angry, but that fact didn’t soothe the way your felt. somehow it made it worse. “i know ya didn’t mean it.” a pause. “but ya scared her.” another pause. “ya hurt her.” your shoulders slumped as the guilt became almost unbearable because he was right. and deep down— you knew it. he knew that you knew it, that you were aware. it was evident in the way that the tears began falling harder as sobs broke the silence on your end, followed by soft groans and the shake of your body. he watched you struggle with emotions you could no longer explain. then he crouched down despite the pain in his leg and rested his forehead against yours. “they ain’t executin’ ya.” his words brought out a shaky breath from you, one of slight relief, “they ain’t puttin’ ya down.” nother breath. “but things are changin’.” that made you freeze almost instantly as daryl’s eyes closed instantly. you couldn’t tell what he was feeling or what he was going to say. his expression for once was so unreadable that it made you more anxious than anything. “the council voted,” your stomach dropped at all of the possibilities that could happen, “the cell stays, but they’re givin’ ya a chance.” just like that, hope flickered. it flickered ever so small and fragile as daryl managed a tired smile. “this means supervised visits and they wanna see if ya can be around people.” his thumb brushed your cheek. “if ya prove ‘em right, prove to them that ya aren’t a threat then maybe things will get better.” for the first time all day, some of the fear eased from your chest. not all of it, but enough. enough that you leaned forward and buried your face against him— instinctively he wrapped both arms around you almost immediately, holding you tightly despite the aches in his body because all he wanted was his sweet girl safe and taken care of. “i know that you can do it my sweet girl, i promise.” he pulled back ever so slightly, resting his forehead against yours as his eyes remained locked into your own. something within him was breaking slowly, something that he didn’t want breaking and that he fought so hard to build back up. but he couldn’t resist. call it the heat of the moment, but he slowly leaned in— heart racing so fast that he swore you could hear it —and pressed his lips gently to yours. it felt cold and foreign even if he had just been kissing you a couple weeks ago now. however, all of his tension released from his shoulders as you reciprocated. outside the cell, the future remained uncertain. michonne was injured, aaron didn’t trust you, carol probably thought that daryl was blinded by hope. half of Alexandria wanted you gone and the other half didn’t know what to think. but for now, you were still here. still breathing. still fighting. and despite every mistake, every secret, and every disaster— daryl hadn’t given up on you. not yet. not ever. T A G L I S T: @whore4fictionalmen19 @zamadness @clussysposts @magz3strikes @holdmytesseract @leslierabbit @bunbunbl0gs @bcatwinchest
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