#Long post

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Well then, I’ll get on that soon!! OH WAIT I LOVE HIM!! It’s been so long since my dr fandom days I’ll say that but I always really liked him! That’s okay! I was just unsure of how to respond to it, but its not like it bothered me or anything, but if its a personal goal to try and stop being that way, then I’ll make sure not to encourage it and help you get passed it!!

I injured my tailbone slipping on wet metal stairs while working casual shifts at a theatre 2 months ago - ended up getting an X-ray which came back fine, and the theatre paid for the shifts I missed while I was resting bc of the stiffness / pain. They let me know that I could file a Worksafe claim, but cos the X-ray scan didn’t say it was broken, I didn’t end up filling out the paperwork, but now 2 months later as the weather’s gotten colder, I’ve had some mild pain and stiffness crop up again; I’ll feel a slight twinge when I’m sitting at a certain angle. After working the school holiday day shifts for children’s theatre/ circus shows, I did two night shifts there, even though they told me casual work tends to dry up going into winter. But then they were planning on having us come in to do an unpaid tech rehearsal, which I think they might have been made to do by OSHA, cos a staff member got hurt in one of the night shows…..(I’m unsure how recently this was) but, yeesh. I lost interest after that, it just put a bad taste in my mouth. and on top of that, the pay was slightly less than I’d been expecting, even with the higher casual weekend rates. Risking another injury for barely more than minimum wage? No thank yeww It’s a shame it sort of cast a bad feeling over my otherwise nice experience, (eg. working the adult drag / cabaret shows was fun) but having already worked for some small businesses / restaurants and cafés with dodgy working practises (and no HR team), I’m stricter about regulations & safety practises these days.

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If this is who I think it is (👀👀 idk I have shit guessing skills soz 🫩), you’ve probably made me smile even before this!!(a lot of my friends do, so if this is one of my friends it’s very likel y this is true) Anyways, of course you can! No need to keep going until you drop though! Just knowing you’d go out of your way to send things to me is nice ^_^

Wesker clapped his hands mockingly. “Are you making fun of me?” “On the contrary, Birkin, I think you’re a genius.” This was obviously just some cheap and rather cynical flattery but Birkin’s face lit up immediately. “Unfortunately there is one major problem with geniuses like yourself,” Wesker added. “And that is?” “You completely lack a sense of reality.” “Oh really? I am absolutely aware of reality,” Birkin answered sounding a bit like a sulking school boy. wow, my negging king <3 But to break this down more seriously, I love a lot of the dialogue in the Umbrella chronicles novelisation. It has very interesting insights into everyone’s POV, and it’s one of the very few places we gain insight into how these two operate. I really love how childish and emotionally immature Will is, and it’s something I’ll return to in a bit, through other quotes, but I also love how easily Al’s most basic compliments still affect him to this ex tent. I have also been reading a LOT about multiple disorders and ‘antisocial’ behaviours that Wesker exhibits through most of his portrayals and he is really consistent with a pattern of finding someone to be special and devaluing them in the same breath, as a defence mechanism, to deny their percieved value and importance to himself. I’ve said before that he is more of an asshole to people he DOES respect, and this is a great example of that. “So, Dr Birkin, what do you call that?” “This is bad. Really bad …” “And what are you going to do about it?” “Wait a second, don’t act like you’ve got nothing to do with this! You’re just as responsible for this as I am. What am I saying? All this is mainly your fault!” “Go on.” “And therefore … therefore you should finally start taking said responsibility and do something about all this.” “I intend to. But what’s your plan?” “I … don’t know. I really don’t know.” Birkin slumped back in his chair burying his face in his hands. “That must be the ghost of Dr. Marcus,” Birkin murmured, a grim expression on his face. “He’s come to take revenge.” “You don’t say,” Wesker said dryly. “Are you telling me you’re not afraid?” “Why should I? It’s just another monster.” “Yes, but …” “Is that your guilty conscience rearing its ugly head?” “Maybe.” “There’s no reason. All you did was stamping on a pile of shit.” “Marcus was … he wasn’t just a pile of shit.” “Are you feeling sorry for him?” “I … respected him. He discovered the Progenitor Virus after all. And he developed the t-virus which we’re working on now.” “Then why did you kill him?” “But that’s not true! You killed him!” “Let’s just say you haven’t been an innocent bystander during the whole affair.” “I know. And that’s why …” “And that’s why you’re scared shitless.” Birkin just nodded and buried his face in his hands. This part is really interesting to me, because it makes me wonder if Spencer did instruct them BOTH to kill Marcus, or if he instructed Wesker, who was, at some point, already killing people for him. Which, in turn makes me wonder, if that was the case, if Wesker dragged Birkin into it, as a back-up, so the blame would not be solely on him. Especially because of Birkin’s reaction in the following quote. “B-but … are you sure we …” “Yes. We killed him. Period. No-one survives a bullet through the head.” “That’s exactly why I think it must be his ghost …” A forced smile flitted across Wesker’s features. “Alright Birkin, I’ll explain it to you. Do you remember the spot where he went down after I put that hole in his head?” “His desk. Where he conducted his experiments …” “Good. And maybe you’ll also remember that standing on that very desk was a glass jar containing a leech, a leech whose DNA Marcus had altered with the Progenitor Virus.” “I remember … yes, now I understand …” “Good for you.” “But, that would mean …” Birkin’s voice faltered, so Wesker continued. “Just before he died, Marcus thrashed around, smashing most of the things on his desk, including the glass jar. The leech came free and when Marcus finally died it fell from the desk onto his body, onto his head to be precise. His head which -if you remember- had popped like a cherry.” Birkin gave a disgusted little groan as if he was reliving the past events in all their horrific glory. Regardless of what experiments he conducted himself, this doesn’t sound like someone who was used to outright killing people, and Marcus’ death clearly affected him and was something terrifying to him. Interestingly, while Wesker IS being a huge asshole and very callous in his approach, he IS also walking Will through a logical process of what is happening, to break him out of his fearful stupor. He is going over the events and possibilities step by step, to get him on the same page, and that is actually a helpful approach for someone who struggles to untangle their thoughts and emotions, and gets overwhelmed by them. Which, in turn, explains why they were absolutely terrifying , together. Case in point; “And there, on Marcus’ burst scull, the Progenitor Virus had set to work.” “So … that makes him a zombie?” “Oh no, he’s more than that. This monster seems to be of high intelligence, something you would never find in a zombie. And apart from that, it had taken the virus ten years to resurrect its host’s body which is far longer than it would take to turn someone into a mere zombie. I’ve got my own theory: presumably the leech, affected by the Progenitor Virus, has assimilated Marcus’ cerebral functions and has repaired dead or missing parts of the body thus remodelling it over a large period of time. That’s why it has Marcus’ memories but it definitely is something else entirely. The Marcus we both knew, the one who could get in our way, he’s dead and gone.” “Interesting. Most interesting.” Birkin looked up. There was a peculiar gleam in his eyes, like the eyes of a child who had been given a new toy. “So there’s no need to fear, Birkin. He’s a test subject like all the others. And he fits so neatly into our current research to develop the ultimate biologic weapon. I don’t understand why you keep seeing the ghost of a dead man in the light of all the assembled facts.” “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I’ve just been too nervous, that’s all. Won’t happen again. So … Where are you, Marcus? Come out, come out, where ever you are …” Birkin started pressing buttons on the controls in front of him enthusiastically, the pictures on the monitors flickering from one surveillance camera to the next. Speaking of Wesker doing 'other’ work on the side for Spencer; he also worked as an intelligence officer, was in the military, and then joined the RPD. Will NEVER left the labs since he was fifteen. His lack of emotional maturity and somewhat persistent naivety, are not that surprising. His attitude towards Umbrella, was COMPELTELY different before Wesker’s 'death’ than it was after. “Umbrella will not last much longer.” “…What…what are you talking about?” Birkin sounded as though the end of the world had just been announced. He had worked for a long time under the care of Spencer. For Birkin, Umbrella was the world in which he lived. Outside it was just a poor, shitty world. And he would not dream of putting one step into this world. His crashout starts after the mansion, when Wesker is thought to be dead. I don’t believe he made contact with Birkin, until he decided to have him extracted through Ada’s and the organisation’s help, which was clearly a mistake on his part. I think, after Wesker’s 'death’ and the two incidents back to back, the reality of his dependence on Umbrella really sank in for him and started to scare him. And he didn’t have his antisocial grounding machine that he was used to being emotionally micromanaged by since he was a teenager.

Bonus points for being upset today Mom’s starting to make jabs at the things that I like again. First it was saying I have a lot of plushies, which yeah, I do, but I interpreted it as her saying “Wow, that’s a lot of money you spent”. Next it was her joking that I drag the family to watch anime movies similarly to how they might drag me to sporting events that I’m not interested in. I don’t really talk about anime with my family since they don’t have an interest in it (maybe my dad if I ask and he’s actually interested in going), but they talk about sports nearly all of the time. And I like to socialize with them, I just feel bad that me not liking to watch sports is a sour note like this. Add this with my kind of supervisor pointing out my mistakes today and me trying to vent my problems in my IRL friend server only for one of them to make the conversation about themselves and I’m just feeling really upset right now. I’m gonna see if dinner and watching stuff on Youtube will make me feel better, at least

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Hmmm I dunno! Maybe I’ll try to think about it harder later but for now I’ll know you as 💻🪢!! ^_^ I’ll try to think up a name if you’d like me to!! What character, if you’re okay with me asking? (Don’t feel like you have to tell btw!!)

Some sentences I liked for the second Enigma fic I am writing, Angst Edition: Your eyes flickered around the room before landing on his. An amber hue clouded by his inner conflict, muddying the color. Dark eyes. Eyes you love. Those eyes that look at you with both pity and contempt. Like you were something precious. Or something sinful. Or a ghost. Or someone worth his scorn. Or someone long gone. - Then, after some clarity came over him, he began to think. If only he had listened to you. At least your body would be here, and you’d have a tomb he could crawl in and sob and bones he could hold and kiss. He promised himself that he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He would not let you slip from his fingers or let you face the burden of existence during this apocalypse alone. He will become your savior by becoming your executioner. - Seducer. You were a seducer, a vile siren the flood expelled from the deepest part of its maw. And you were torturing him. - “Because you’re a horrible person.” Adler froze. “W-… what?” Slowly, he turned his neck to face you. You were staring back at him. Eyes unblinking. A Blank expression. He gave an uncomfortable laugh. “Because you’re a horrible person, Adler.” You repeated. Each word clearly punctuated.

Doubting my own self worth again. Thinking about how I can enter a space as a nobody, actively engage in that space, and yet… still leave as a nobody. I’m so easily forgotten, that, when I disappear, no one cares enough to check in with me. I could be gone tomorrow and I would be forgotten in a month’s time. There would be no blowing up my DMs, wondering where I’ve gone. I can’t make a solid connection with anyone. I feel like I’m always on the outside looking in; yeah, the window is open, but only enough so that I’m included, but not a bigger part of the whole. Even my writing. I never end up with a story everyone is talking about. I rarely get comments, let alone people recommending it. What’s the point of spending time and energy on something nobody wants to read? Why do my ideas have to be so fleeting, my hyperfixations so fickle? “Write for yourself.” Okay, what do you think all the unposted shit I write is for? Posted things are meant to be read, and shared, and appreciated. More and more I feel like Tumblr and Discords are not the places for me, but without them… I honestly have no one else to be. But is it better to be somewhere and feel like you’re being ignored, or is it better to just not put yourself in that situation at all so you’re at least not also emotionally damaging yourself?

OOC post explaining some typing quirks I use (and some backstory for Helm). This will be long. Lore As I’m sure we’ve figured out by now, Helm used to be a knight and is now a sellsword after (what it believes) to be it killing its beloved liege and princess. Sometime during its duty as a knight, it died. It, as I’ve said, was rejected from any afterlife (or was it? perhaps it was merely bound to its body. this specific point is left to reader interpretation, although Helm believes it died and was cast away. perhaps it didn’t die, and just believes it did). During this process of dying, Helm was fused to the inside of its armor, so any attempts to remove the armor would just skin it (yes, the “cloth” parts of the armor are also fused). It no longer needs to eat, but it does need to drink. Considering it’s painful to remove its helmet, you can imagine the mess it makes, so it prefers drinking alone and with a towel or other cloth close at hand. It’s been a few decades since it died (at least that it remembers), and it doesn’t remember much of its past life. It remembers bits and pieces of it, however, and that leads to some posts where it vagueposts about what it remembers. It remembers it was paid (hence why it gravitated to mercenary work; it likes getting paid), and it killed its master (and love). It knows it was a knight, and still holds its old, bloodstained cloak in high regard. It doesn’t remember the oaths it’s taken. If someone were to act like someone from Helm’s past, it would attempt to pretend that it remembers everything. Important thing to note, about that: Helm was not the name it had before it died. It does not remember that name. It took the name Helm because it felt like that is a good enough name for it. Typing Quirks As y'all may have noticed, I sometimes put words or phrases in brackets like [this]. These smooth ones are Helm’s thoughts that it doesn’t realize have slipped out and replaced his words without him noticing. Here are two sentences I’ve written from This post , one with brackets, and the other with what Helm meant to say: “I would be a [monster].” “I would be a normal soldier.” Can you see the difference? These [brackets] give insight into Helm’s mental state! The jagged [broken up] inserts like that are options. You can read them either way. They replace this word [phrase] with an alternative. These will not happen during dialogue, only body text. Here’s an example paragraph with the two types: “I don’t [care about] them,” Helm says to itself, non-existent eyes tracing the cracks in the wall. It’s lying. How could it forget? It used to serve as an honorable knight [a well-trained dog] should. You may have also seen me use brackets to signify what tone Helm is using! I do this a lot on my main to signify how my posts should be read. However, this doesn’t work well with the lore from Helm, does it? So, I’ll be using normal parenthesis for that from now on. Example: (nervous) or (calmly). I’ll only be doing this in in-character posts, I like using brackets for my ooc posts. I’ll still be using actual tone tags (like /srs or /j) to help with the overall feel of the post. The tone tags will be in the tags. (Side note: I also sometimes Capitalize words. This is just for emphasis, not any lore reason) Also! I’ve been thinking about how to signify me talking ooc! I just don’t really like doing the “ooc:” so I’m thinking I’ll just use double parenthesis. It’s pretty easy to tell apart from tone signals, as tone signals are just a word or two and ((this will be at least one sentence!)) Final Notes As usual, if you have any questions or if you have an idea, feel free to tell me via comment, ask, or reblog :D I didn’t include current lore because, as we know, that’s still developing at all times :3 Just know that Helm is Not particularly motivated unless it’s getting paid. Yes, I know that its armor wouldn’t work in real life, I was not thinking about how it would work while designing it. I do plan on actually going through and making a proper art ref for Helm, so I’ll adjust the armor to be more safe when I do that.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand the criticism of “There wasn’t enough information given about *enter thing here*” when it comes certain sub-genres of horror. (phycological, surreal, and eldritch/cosmic specifically) Like I get it can be a legitimate criticism but then there are movies where that’s the point? (Insightful Llama on youtube has a lot of points I agree with about Backrooms and Iron Lung) TLDR: While there are valid criticisms about what information is given and how the information is handled in horror, critics need to understand why the writer isn’t giving you that information. And if the sub genre has anything to do with it. I find it kinda stupid that critics don’t try to find out why we weren’t given information or why the writer gave us the information the way they did. Especially in horror! Like with Annihilation, The Backrooms or Iron Lung. I’ve seen a lot of people using the fact we didn’t get much information on the organizations or the creatures as a criticism. You can want more information, thats fine, but if you, as a critic, are giving a piece of media shit because of something the writer clearly did for a reason, then I think you are failing as a critic. I love criticizing media especially media that I love. But the thing is I will always try to put story and the artist’s intent before anything, and I feel most critics don’t do that. You don’t need to know what the shimmer is. No one knows what it is. That’s the point. You don’t need more information about Async. Our characters don’t know anything about it. Because that’s not the point. You don’t need to know what caused the quiet rapture or more about the organizations in the world because you’re given the information you need to understand the story. If you want to argue the information was given in a confusing or bad way that’s fine but you need to say why you think that and how the writer/artist can fix it. Even if it’s just a quick. “Something feels off and you could have done this instead” That Backrooms specifically is a good example of what I mean when I say “we need more information” can be a legitimate criticism but can also be a moot point because of the writer’s intent. With Async we’re not supposed to know much. They’re a company that knows of the backrooms and that’s all we need to know. Also, if you’re that interested go watch Kane’s youtube. But for the movie we don’t need anymore information on Async then we get. Then we have Mary. (This is my biggest criticism of the movie though tell me if I missed anything) Her backstory doesn’t actually tell us anything. Why did she become a therapist? Probably because of how her mother treated her and the world around them. Why does she take medication? Probably for anxiety or panic attacks? But we don’t actually know. She also only takes them once. Why did she continue looking for Clark in the backrooms? She could have gone to get help or just nope out of the situation. Well she feels responsible for her patients. Does that mean this is something she’d do for all her patients or is it something about Clark specifically? Why does she say that she can’t save anyone? We haven’t seen her outwardly struggle with wanting to save people before. Did she have other patients that she couldn’t help or is this because of her mother’s accident? I’ve seen people say that her backstory and arc are on purpose. As she’s in a metaphorical liminal space herself when we meet her and the ending is her being trapped in her own physical liminal space. I like that but that’s not exactly what I’m talking about. The two things I could think of to fix those problems are: Having some type of label for the medication. I’m not sure if it’s meant to be an illegal substance or not? But even just having a poorly drawn face depicting what it does would have been fine. And have her take it multiple times. Like after Clark try’s to tell her about the backrooms or before she goes into the store. The second is have someone blame her for what happened to her mother. It could be anyone. But just having someone go “How could you let this happen?” or something along those lines. But even with my own criticisms, the movie does an amazing job at giving viewers the information they need. I think many people don’t realize that different sub genres of horror give different information and show it in different ways. And for a surreal phycological horror the backrooms did amazing. Surreal horror runs on dream logic and is meant to be uncanny to invoke fear. Like how some people find Salvador Dali’s paintings weird or creepy. Phycological horror uses the character’s emotions and distress to invoke fear. Like how Stephen King focuses on writing the fear of his characters instead of the thing that’s scaring them. The same with Annihilation, a surreal cosmic horror, that gives information through flashbacks and things found from the previous group. And Iron Lung, a phycological cosmic horror, that keeps its information close to itch chest for the viewers to pick apart. The way each presents its information is different because they’re all combining the same three sub genres differently and to criticize them the same is just insulting. To be fair my favorite movie is John Carpenter’s The Thing (which is arctic horror a fun mix of isolation, survival and identity horror) and that did not do well when it first came out, though that was more because of the gore and ambiguous ending. I genuinely have no idea if any of this makes sense but I’ve been writing this for the past week and a half so… Good night/morning and I don’t know how to end this post ദ്ദി╥ ᴗ ╥)

TOS episode 27: The Alternative Factor

Reflecting on the difference between “you don’t owe anyone a relationship” and what society as a whole owes the people in it, and how that ties into our justice system issues. If you are in a romantic or platonic or familial relationship with someone who is being abusive, you don’t owe them staying in that relationship. People, however, still need other people, and will never improve without support. So where does that leave us? We need societal structures to (1) prevent abusive behaviors from developing, (2) protect people from abusive actions and (3) meet the basic needs of everyone, including those we don’t generally like. Trying to fix abusive habits/behaviors/reactions after they’ve developed is a really challenging proposition, so we MUST start protective interventions sooner, which includes protecting children from abusive parents and ensuring everyone’s basic needs are met. This is one of the critical pieces of radically changing our justice system: if we take punishment for the sake of punishment off the table, and remove or greatly reduce incarceration, what DO we do? We can’t fix crime by telling people not to commit it or else: we need to remove the motivations and focus on protection and remediation over punishment. Breaking the cycle of abuse shouldn’t be something we expect everyone to do alone and unsupported, not of we actually want to see changes. I cannot know exactly how much crime would be committed in a society where no one spends their life in desperation or constant fear, but I DO know it would be less. And reflecting on this I can’t help but notice that the crimes we most highlight in the news and fear-mongering politics ARE those are typically done out of desperation, fear, or not knowing a better way to live, not knowing a better outlet, rather than the crimes of greed and ruthlessness committed by the ultra-rich and by the corporate entities they create. So interestingly, many of the kind of crimes that would be reduced are those scary ones we use to justify prisons, like robbing a convenience store or killing your partner. I don’t know how we solve crimes of greed, but our current carceral system doesn’t even touch those. Our only defenses that we’ve found so far are actually in line with constructive parenting, where any “punishment"is a direct consequence related to the problematic behavior: punish greed by taking away their money. Punish harm done to others by said greed by taking their money and using it to fix things. All this to say, I don’t think people should try to fix their abusive partner, and I also don’t think the answer is for society to abandon them.

We still haven’t answered what it is that Krok is afraid of yet, interestingly. To the point of it being a noticeable absence of explanation — this far along in the war. However , confirmation that Krok had slowly been losing power since the universe sprang into being has got me back on my Krok v Chuck bullshit and I’m hoping that re-hashing that will lead me to a theory. So, I ask again: who the fuck is Krok’s little brother? I keep going back and forth on the Chuck piece, but like… I do have to wonder now if, at minimum , Chuck got all the power Krok slowly lost control of. Krok put the last of his power into Clementine and nerfed himself, and that is the first thing Chuck sends The Diner™️ to take care of. (The Diner that Caspar walked into which necessitated the creation of Adam and Eve Effie and Zebulon). Which I felt was akin to two siblings fighting over toys in a sandbox. Krok feels incredibly protective of the universe itself, but Chuck seems to be protective of the things within it. They’re both playing with the same toys but they can’t agree on what’s best. Chuck exists in all moments and yet the inevitable end of the sandbox that kind of defines its existence as a fourth dimensional being doesn’t seem to be an issue. Chuck’s only problem with Clementine was that she was tearing at the fabric of reality, which now I’m imagining must’ve been painful for him? Chuck kind of… is the fabric even as he transcends it. He is not the universe but he’s a singular entity that’s intrinsically tied to it. There are no dimensions at all without the universe to make it so. But Chuck stops trying to unmake Clementine, even after everything she did, when introduced to the concept of death. Chuck had no concept of death prior to that moment because he exists in all moments. Which is a nice little paradox isn’t it? Or maybe it isn’t, because Chuck can see everything up to the point when it stops existing… and gets remade again. The curtain falls and rises again, we’ve established this. So that then begs the question of whether Chuck can see past the fall of the curtain and into the next iteration, with that gap in un-time between registering as nothing more than a blip. Nothing would exist until it did again, none of those dimensions that Chuck transcends, and then everything would exist again because Chuck exists at all moments in time. And within that comes another interesting piece to dwell on. Krok yearns for what came before because it’s what he knows. Pure existence. Why not let the universe die so he can get that back. There could be eternity in that blip between the death of the universe and its rebirth and no one would know because there would be nothing to know! So what is it at the END? What is at the end of the universe, because that’s what Krok is running from. He claims to care about the universe, that he wants to save it and he’s not a despot, but all he does is take from it. Even the things he “gives” are just a means to his own end: “save” the universe. Chuck is the only contemporary Krok has, and what we know of it is that it is incredibly powerful and also… incredibly naive. But not stupid. Krok said knowledge and immortality are the prime ingredients to make a God. Chuck has access to all knowledge, but it’s still being filtered through its existence. Existing at all moments, but stopping to create friends for a lonely man looking for his son. Chuck had to have seen death before. But he also saw it rise back up again, and if you’re a singular being that can exist everywhere all at once all the time… wouldn’t life within the universe just seem like a splintered version of what Chuck is? What the universe is? A rise and fall with unknowable gaps between and yet no gap at all because there is still something there. Except the still gap exists. It just can’t be a gap because there’s no time (or space, or anything else). So now my problem is why Chuck isn’t afraid of whatever Krok is afraid of. The Diner crew introduced it to the concept of death by highlighting how its actions were speeding that along for Clementine, but Chuck hasn’t made any reappearances. Not even as new energy is being harvested which could very much tear shit apart at its seams. Which again points to the reality that Krok doesn’t give as much of a shit as he pretends he does. Or at least not for the reasons he claims. What is at the end? Why would Krok need that much power? Who (or what) created the franchise of helper venues? If Chuck is the little brother, the thorn in Krok’s side (who potentially laid the groundwork for the diners* to spring into existence by dimensional compression or whatever the Leif’s were talking about at The Paradise)… who’s the parent? What’s the in between that nudges nothing back into something and whyyyyyy… well. Just why. Why anything? Any of this? Why this place, why here, and why now?

just going to let this rip with a few notes i excluded characters from UDG and DR3, including ones that i do have opinions on, because i didn’t feel confident enough to put any of them in one of these tiers the first and second tier are EXTREMELY close and i deliberated just making them one tier but since i refer to komaeda, koizumi, and sato most often as my favorite characters i decided to make it its own tier i probably should have dropped sakura down to the yellow tier but i don’t want to fucking remake this again. to be clear i think makoto and byakuya in particular ARE GOOD CHARACTERS and i would not change a single detail about them i just genuinely don’t care about that genre of character type. i could individually explain all the characters in the two green and the bright blue tiers. the best way i can describe bright blue tier is “i actively dislike this character OR feel dead neutral about this character, but i think if you gave me 5 minutes i could make them a character i genuinely care about substantially”. whereas the green tiers are “i would say i actually enjoy this character (for ex. angie is my favorite v3 character) but i would like them a lot more if they gave me like 5 minutes to work on it” kiibo, kirumi, and ryoma are the three who i would say are written fine but i don’t care. the rest of those in that tier i would say i have at least one major issue with their character writing that makes me meh i feel somewhat bad putting owari in the last tier because i GENUINELY want to like her so much more than i do. i don’t feel bad putting kokichi in that tier, but to be honest he probably should go up to the same tier saionji and tsumiki are in i just didn’t want to fucking put him anywhere higher than the bottom to be honest and i didn’t want to give him his own tier because that implies that i care about him at all and i kind of just want him to explode i haven’t rewatched the first two games in a hot minute, though i feel reasonably confident about their plots. i haven’t watched v3 in like five years but i don’t intend to <3 ok lmk your thoughts i am easily convinced on some but not all of these and can also yap a bit.

This turned into a really long post but I’m angry about this and I need to articulate why. And it needs to be long because I have a specific criticism of a tool that is being debated in such a way that flinches from nuance. Ignore the environmental concerns of AI for the moment, because those are actually the environmental concerns of all technology and it’s not enough to draw the line at AI. That is a problem of greed, and it is relevant to a broader discussion, but not this one. Ignore the copyright concerns of AI for the moment, because copyright is bullshit. That is a problem of society wanting to experience art without feeling it worthy of being compensated, which is a problem that goes beyond AI, and it’s not relevant to this discussion. This post is about the act of replacing thinking and having conversations with people with accepting information from AI as an objective truth. The act of summarising and paraphrasing is an act of transformative work. You choose what to include and what to omit. This is not a neutral act! And AI does it from a position of authority. It has citations now. Academia is a conversation and AI presents it as a lecture. Google is rolling the feature below out. Kindle already has, and you can’t opt out, and no one is talking about it because there’s nothing we can do and on a percentage basis I would say at least 60% of my sales are through Amazon so it’s like. Okay. There are other fights I guess. Outrage is fatiguing. Thank you Google for at least giving me the option to not have this turned on. I have ADHD. I forget what I’ve read sometimes. I can see the appeal of this. Sometimes books are confusing! I absolutely require help to read some books because I don’t have the context for them or whatever. The problem that this is attempting to solve is a genuine use case, I won’t pretend it’s not. But here’s the thing: people think that AI provides THE answer. If you can, without leaving your ebook app, ask the book what it’s about, you would pretty reasonably expect that to be a correct representation of what the book is about. You probably would expect it to be a summary that would be in line with the author’s intentions, because after all it is inside the published book. And look, it could be accurate. That’s not really the point. The point is that this shuts down conversation and presents one version of interpretation as correct. If I feel like a book I’m reading has a deeper theme that I’m not picking up on, me going to Reddit and reading a bunch of people discussing it is an inherently different experience to me getting a cohesive summary of what those people think about it, and both of those things are different to having a conversation with someone and comparing our thoughts, which is also a different thing from asking the author specifically. Here’s what Google’s Notebook LM has to say about the magic system in my novel: It goes into a bit of extra detail, it picks up on the fact that it being passed down to “legitimate” descendants of the colonising Empress is a point of political conflict, and it’s detailed enough that you could read this and be satisfied that this is all there is to it. It’s not. It’s not! And this isn’t supposed to be something you get on first glance, it’s something that I hope you get if you interrogate what appears to be a pretty surface level romantasy. The politics are not supposed to look complex. It’s supposed to look like there are clear good guys and clear bad guys. That’s what the world looks like when viewed from the eyes of a king. The act of having magic is inherently colonial in this book, but the point of view character is a king with magic powers who has no way of understanding this. The antagonists’ solution is to attempt to give magic to all people. It’s an act of “democratising” power in the same way that tech bros are selling AI as a way of “democratising” knowledge. It doesn’t make the magic a good thing just because all people have it. Magic would still be way more effective for the people who can access education about it, there is still inequality central to this solution. The people who it advantages are the people claiming that they’re doing it for the people who don’t even want it in the first place. When a woman who styles herself Empress, who believes fantasy!Australia was made for her and who disregards the First Nations people who were already there speaks, the world changes to fit her desires. She gives that power to all her descendants if they are produced through unions that have been legally recognised. Okay, Notebook LM. What does that imply about the Australian setting? And now we have something that’s a reasonable interpretation of what I’ve written being presented as the objective truth. It’s not a conversation, it’s a statement. It’s feasible. And it’s in complete conflict with my intentions. Notebook LM might have access to information about the impact of colonisation on Australia, but it probably doesn’t prioritise the voices of First Nations people. After all, when they’re recorded (which is rare), they’re outnumbered by sources that large tech companies probably regard as more legitimate. First Nations people lived in partnership with Australia before it was colonised. Country was of equal status to people. They benefited each other. Agriculture and hunting was not in conflict with this, it was in service of this. (Yes, they had agriculture. It was sophisticated.) What place does “I say a word and my environment obeys” have within this context? It’s a fucking imposition is what it is. It’s practically violence. Oh, it can be used for good. Magic is beautiful in this story. Magic is used to heal and delight and to make broken things whole. But it’s not neutral. It’s entitled. And it’s given to legitimate descendants in an empire where it wasn’t legal to marry First Nations people for centuries after colonisation. Marriage is not a neutral institution and the concept of legitimacy is incredibly political. Someone who is forced to say words in front of one of the Empire’s priests, who is forced to have children with the person who stood next to them, they might pass the entitlement of magic powers to those children. A couple who are in deep and committed love might not. This isn’t surface level stuff, it isn’t meaning that I expect the average reader to get from the book, but when you have the power to ask the book what something means and the book TELLS you, why the fuck would you think any deeper about it? This is I think the first time I’ve talked about this aspect of my magic system online. It’s also a fantasy romance, and traditionally speaking I’ve seen some real surface level politics in those. There’s no reason to trust that when I write a bad guy that cackles and taunts and seems to be in favour of revolution that I’m doing so intentionally, that I’m saying something about the appeal of simple solutions, that I am condemning the cult not because it claims it wants equality (and come on, this is how you get people on your side, maybe don’t believe everything in the sales pitch?) but because its objective is to force a colonial power onto an entire population, including those who have been victims of that power. You can read my book and enjoy it without thinking deeply about it. I encourage that! It is a cute romance with fun sibling dynamics and the trauma the main character has is cathartic without being too confronting. It doesn’t have to be that deep, you can leave it at that if you like. But if you get the feeling that there are larger themes at play, yeah, there are. I worked on this for five years. I read widely, I had conversations with First Nations people, I considered the current implications of modern Australia and they informed every aspect of the world this book inhabits. The fact that my book can be read as you kick your feet and smile is intentional . The fact that I don’t expect it to be analysed is fine by me. Books like mine don’t get articles written about them. This in itself is political. Romance is often considered to be at odds with depth. The fact that I put it in anyway is for me . I like the fact that maybe other people will pick up on it, but I have never considered that to be an essential component to this book. I turned this feature off because I don’t want AI to make claims on my behalf about what my book is about. I don’t trust it with the themes. I know they’re subtle to the point of almost being obfuscated. I don’t really give a shit if people misinterpret me, but I despise the idea that someone is putting technology inside books that could misrepresent me. It’s inside the book . It has authority, and note the fucking root of the word. I do not want to cede my authorial voice to something trained on an internet that would be surprised to learn that First Nations Australians weren’t hunter gatherers. I don’t give a shit if someone uses AI to write a boiler plate email, but it is an affront for it to speak on my behalf about my art when it doesn’t know fuck all about my culture or the culture of the people around me. Also, I’m not immune to flattery but I’m not delusional. A book with 40 ratings on Goodreads is not a significant addition to anything and no one will consider any romantasy a vital voice in the current misogynistic landscape. Add onto that that it’s self-published and you’d look like a fucking fool if you tried to claim this in a book review. This is my point. It doesn’t say objectively false things. It can back itself up. But the choices it makes are choices and they’re not neutral ones. Please dear god don’t take it at its word. Much more importantly, attribute its word to IT , and not to anyone else. No matter how many citations it has.

IDk, The Traffikrab Recyling Project or something, even though it’s not just Traffikrab, lol. Stuff I’ve gotten from recycling tapes in Cassette Beasts from different species with different star ratings. Will get updated. Feel free to also send in / comment what you’ve gotten. Tapes recycled for this counter: 78 For the most stickers and resources so far, remaster tapes at least once. ( Archived read more link ) Traffikrab 0 star Plastic x14, Inflame Plastic x18, Change the Record, Plastic x41, Plastic x41 Plastic x32 Plastic x15, Inflame Plastic x12, Inflame Plastic x14, Water Coating Plastic x15, Incinerate Plastic x2, Plastic Coating Plastic x9, Undertow Plastic x20, Parry Stance Plastic x11, Undertow Plastic x11, Water Coating Plastic x20, Waterproof Plastic x9, Parry Stance Plastic x23, Inflame Plastic x26 Plastic x20, Plastic Camo Plastic x18, Incinerate Plastic x14, Inflame Plastic x10, Plastic Coating Plastic x25, Plastic Camo Plastic x8, Toy Hammer Plastic x10, Undertow Plastic x13, Peekaboo, AP Steal Plastic x25, Waterproof Plastic x14, Plastic Coating Plastic x24, Undertow Plastic x37 Plastic x21, Undertow Plastic x23, Undertow (Uncommon: +6% damage per empty slot) Plastic x24 Plastic x23, Undertow Plastic x11, Torrent Plastic x20, Inflame Plastic x34 Plastic x23, Waterproof Plastic x21, Inflame Plastic x17, Undertow Plastic x17, Boil Plastic x11, Plastic Camo Plastic x23, Plastic Camo Plastic x16, Plastic Camo Plastic x43 Plastic x24, Trick, AP Steal Plastic x23, Undertow Plastic x25, Undertow Plastic x32 Plastic x16, Berserker Plastic x9, Undertow Plastic x20, Torrent Plastic x24, Plastic Resistance Plastic x24, Undertow Plastic x15, Boil Plastic x48 Plastic x23, Undertow Plastic x40 Plastic x13, Waterproof (Rare: +3% passive Melee Attack per empty slot) Plastic x26 Plastic x14, Inflame Plastic x16, Plastic Knife Plastic x21, Waterproof Plastic x40 Plastic x24, Plastic Coating Plastic x23, Undertow Plastic x20, Brick Blast Plastic x14, Recycle Plastic x21, Waterproof Plastic x12, Toy Hammer Plastic x7, Change the Record Traffikrab 5 star: Plastic x510, Plastic Resistance, Brick Blast, Toy Hammer Weevillite: Plastic x654, Lightning Coating (Rare: +3% EXP points per empty slot, + Duration, +12% chance of multistrike), Battery, Charge, Broadcast Lobstacle: Plastic x694, Provoke, Taunt, Hypnotise, Berserker Squirrey: Wheat x208, Metal, Pulp x38, wood Carniviper: Wood x9, Plastic, Pulp x7, Zephyr Diveal: Wood x41, Pulp x35, Wheat x7, Call for Help Masquerattle: Wheat x476, Wood x106, Plastix x8, Pulp x2, Revenge Strike, Taunt

my experience transitioning and being perceived by the world following that has been…i do not think i am treated *worse* day to day, because i pass somehow, despite not being able to see how. but i definitely feel more invisible than i ever have in my life. which in some ways has been a relief. putting the “privilege” framing and terminology aside for a second, on a purely personal scale it is a relief in some ways to be left alone. for so long as people do not know what ive got going on (which is a length of time i can never guarantee), i can get by on being just some guy. i do get more comments on my long hair, and i do get comments about how i’m too skinny/scrawny, which is really just funny…the comments on my height are very annoying because i was not insecure about my height before, and i wouldn’t say i necessarily am now, but it really grates at me to hear about how short i am when i’m not even the shortest trans guy i know and i used to be on the taller side for a girl. people really put emphasis on my stature and my perceived weakness, which is something that has not really changed from before, and does not feel any better when i’m supposed to take it in stride as a man in order to not be Mister Patriarchy. it feels like they’re doing it for the same reason as before. it feels the same but my reaction is expected to change. that’s frustrating. i feel like my prospects for dating are sparse to nonexistent, unless i am willing to put up with things that i don’t think i should have to put up with. this has also not changed from pre-transition, except that back then at least i felt desirable to a larger subset of the queer community and that gave me some reassurance. my family does not acknowledge any changes. it’s hard for me to feel like i *have* transitioned, that what i am doing isn’t just “boymoding” at work and in public. i’ve never been able to shake that people who do know, even my friends, take me less seriously than before. i was always a little worried that being funny was all i had going for me, and that seemed to solidify through my transition. people always wanted me to make fun of myself. people always wanted me to laugh along with being made fun of. before, i could call it out as misogyny, and after, that’s just how you treat Some Guy so i got what i wanted right. because everyone who transitions really wants the bad parts that the cis people don’t even want. i am thankful for the word malgendering being coined because fuck if that isn’t almost all of it all the time. i’ve had to conclude that being seen as a younger (and less overtly masculine) cis man is actually not that dissimilar from being seen as a cis woman in a lot of ways. like, it is, but, there’s this throughline of condescension and presumption of inexperience; seeing you as something to be molded into something better at some point. cis men in particular seeing you as a malleable subject in service to them. a strange feeling at 27. i do think sometimes about recloseting. i mean, when your departure from the closet was hardly recognized in the first place, you start to wonder what difference it would make. but it would make a difference. it’s hard to talk about because it’s like…no i didn’t really successfully “escape” misogyny but i did throw some smoke and mirrors in its face. some might disagree with me describing transition that way. i’m only describing it that way for myself - and not to misgender or disparage myself - just to explain what it genuinely feels like. it feels like i get to avoid being hit on and chivalrized and othered in exchange for every other thing in my fucking life getting, at least potentially, harder and scarier. for never being able to be sincere with another person in my life. but that’s not the worst deal, to me. it also, does not feel *that* different from before.

I dont know if you accept requests right now, ignore this if not please I wanted to request headcanons icons with members of L/N Hoshino Ichika is a autistic fictionkin nebularomantic bisexual mikuine enby who uses they/them pronouns and has anxiety Tenma Saki is an alterhuman futch hologirl arospec ply-lesbian who uses she/her pronouns, experimenting with neopronouns and has Ehler-Danlos and POTS Mochizuki Honami is a half deaf otherkin femme trans girl asexual sapphic who usese she/her pronouns Hinomori Shiho is an autistic transmasculine aroacespec agender butch who uses he/him, they/them pronouns and has alexithymia L/n Hatsune Miku is a nonhuman loveless aplaroace lesbigay who uses any pronouns

I used the D/deaf flag for Honami jsyk! All PSDs by me!